This morning I was in some kind of life crisis. I thought about how much CS majors make compared to those in the medical field so I searched up some numbers of income. Results were startling as i found out those in the medical field start off with at least 70k higher pay and it grows to at least a 100k difference between the two fields. I was in a state of depression, and I thought to myself “man wouldn’t the medical field make it worth it to stay in college all these years”. I thought about the future, particularly my future kids and wife and my well being. How much does it take to live comfortably with all the dues in life? I felt like I was wasting my time at CAL when I could be studying something else that make so much more money.

But at this point it is too late…. I’m halfway in my undergraduate career at CAL and been struggling battle with myself. The competitive nature of CAL students here just overwhelms me but you need to be on the edge since only 17% and 23% get A’s in lower and upper division CS courses respectively.
At CAL you can’t lazy out because everyone knows your ranking in class determines your grade and that top % is what everyone aims for. But it is what I have to embrace since I have chosen this path.

I loathe the the thought of graduating since I’m not sure if I can get a job. I feel so low and average among my fellow CS majors. I sought out condolence from friends and advisers but their encouraging words did not help. They said not to worry as long as you know your stuff since CAL is ranked one of the highest in CS education and that employers love Berkeley CS Students. If this was true, I’m competing locally with the hundreds of student within the CS department and on top of that, I’m competing nationally too with other students from other schools.

My siblings are all very successful. My god… 2 doctors and 2 engineers. The two engineers wish they could travel back and become doctors. They all tell me to become a doctor and life would take care of itself. I never really understood what they meant but now I think I do. Life security is what it ultimately comes down to. Having that buffer for any unexpected events ugh. I thought I had this all figured out after high school. So naive I was and probably still am… agh

The future seems very bleak…